


How I hear your voice, even when you’re not really there

by Smugdendingle



Category: robron
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hearing Voices, M/M, Schizophrenia, Suicide Attempt, Vulnerable Robert, mental health, scared Aaron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-05 09:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smugdendingle/pseuds/Smugdendingle
Summary: Robert has had Schizophrenia for months now. Aaron is fearful of his husband with the uneasy coping mechanisms and how he acts in a adnormal way.However, one day Robert comes home tipsy again, but it’s different, as it leads to distressing consequences.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope people don’t mind me posting random stuff? 
> 
> I would really like Rob to have a storyline like this becos Ryan would do brilliantly or any mental/physical health illness storyline. 
> 
> I don’t know any medical information so some things may be incorrect. The writing with ‘ is the voice talking to Robert if there is any confusion.

‘ You’re unlovable ‘ 

The first thing Robert can hear when he wakes up is the words, the voice always being there, where ever he is, where ever he goes the voice will follow him. He can’t escape the torture only when he falls into a deep, drunken slumber. 

‘ You’re pathetic ‘ 

Robert walks through the village can in hand it is probably his fifth or tenth, he has lost count but the voice is still there, it is driving Robert insane, he feels like he is losing his sanity. 

‘ Such a disappointment you are’ 

He buys as much alcohol as possible, 2 Vodka bottles, two 6 packs of beer, and whiskey for when he can get home and drink and drink and drink till he doesn’t even know his name. 

‘ I’ll always be here Robert ‘ 

Aaron is sitting on the couch looking worried, eyes red, biting his bottom lip when he hears the door open Robert walks in, a bit tipsy, Aaron is used to this entrance it is been happening for weeks now. 

“ What’s in the bag Robert? “ Aaron asks sounding deflated, sounding hollow, he doesn’t have a clue with what’s wrong with his husband and it physically aches him. 

Robert heavily sits down on the couch getting the bottles and the two 6 packs out, he puts them on the couch and doesn’t say anything because Aaron is watching his every move. 

“ Your going to drink all that? “ sounding horrified. 

Robert nods his head as he starts to open the straight vodka and takes big gulps before pulling away leans back on the couch. 

More tears come to Aaron’s eyes. “ Please Robert, please talk to me. What’s wrong? What’s happened that it’s made you act like this? “ Aaron grabs Robert’s hand giving Robert comfort but Robert pulls away, doesn’t want pity, he needs to drink till he falls into darkness. 

‘ Your going to die alone you know? ‘ 

Robert stands up throws the empty Vodka bottle at the wall,   
“ LEAVE ME ALONE! CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP! “ Aaron looks terrified for himself and for Robert. 

Aaron stands up slowly backs away trying to keep his husband calm. “ Rob, it’s okay. I’m sorry with the questions. “ Aaron has noticed the big change in Robert with him talking, screaming at things that aren’t there, the heavy drinking, sometimes Robert takes sleeping pills with alcohol he becomes dazed not even with it sometimes, he sometimes sleeps in till 1pm in the afternoon. Aaron is scared for his health especially when he can’t even wake Robert up. 

‘ Aaron isn’t going to stay with you, you know? Your just a disappointment and he will eventually leave. ‘ 

Robert becomes distressed, crying following the voice around the room, he is too stuck in his head, too stuck in the distress that he hasn’t noticed Aaron crying or talking to him.   
“ why can’t you leave me alone!? Please leave me alone! “ 

‘ I’ll never leave you Robert. Don’t be so stupid everybody is laughing at you Robert. They all think your waste of space. ‘ 

Robert starts to kick the wall violently keeps doing it and doing it, the voice is driving him insane, he can’t think straight anymore, has he actually lost his sanity? “ Why are you here? Why can’t you just go!?” He talks to the empty space by the door, nothing happens till he speaks again. 

‘ What would your dad think of you? He would be so ashamed. ‘ 

Robert runs to the couch picks up the whisky bottle aggressively throws it across the room, Aaron ducks, the bottle hits off the wall, smashing, glass everywhere, Brown liquid over the floor and counter. 

“ LEAVE ME ALONE. “ Robert screams. 

‘ Such a embarrassment you are , you should die. Nobody wants you hear, nobody needs you. ‘ 

Aaron watching the whole scene play out he doesn’t know what the hell to do, Robert screaming and shouting and talking to himself, throwing bottles against the wall Aaron thinks Robert didn’t even see Aaron standing there. Aaron feels bad for even considering it, for even thinking it but he thinks that his husband might have gone mad? But to be fair to Aaron, Robert doesn’t say anything to Aaron he doesn’t tell Aaron how he feels or what he is going through all he says is that he doesn’t want to talk about it, so there must be something that has happened or is happening.

‘ Die Robert, Die, Die, Die. ‘ 

The voice saying it like it is a mantra repeating the word, over and over and over till Robert can’t do it anymore he grabs the Vodka bottle, gets his car keys and runs out of the house. 

“ what are you doing Robert? No! Robert don’t go in this state Robert! “ Aaron running towards Robert’s car as the engine starts, he tries to open the door but he has locked it. Robert speedily drives off as the stones fly in different directions. 

Aaron runs into the house gets his car keys and phone, runs back to his car speeding off into the direction Robert went in. 

‘ Your pathetic, low life scum. Nobody wants you here. ‘ 

Robert grips his steering wheel tighter as he speeds down the roads doesn’t exactly know where he is going but then there is one place he has in mind he makes a hard left as the tyres make a screeching sound on the road. He doesn’t notice another car speeding down the road behind him following him. 

“ Aaron doesn’t love you Robert he is only pretending, why would he love you? Your disgusting. ‘ 

Robert gets out of his car walks to the edge of the cliff he looks down into the darkness, into nothingness, it should scare him but now he is right here, he feels calm he can finally get rid of the voice. He blocks out everything but the only thing he can hear is the mans voice it is the only thing he listens to now. 

‘ Robert this is the better option it will make everyone’s lives better if you went ‘ 

Aaron skids to a stop on the cliff he sees Robert standing at the edge of the cliff his heart is hammering out of his chest, he feels panic and only panic in that moment. He walks to Robert slowly he doesn’t want Robert to be even more scared and distressed in this moment. 

Aaron is standing by Roberts car staring at Robert. “ Robert please don’t do this, come back from the edge. “ he calls Robert his voice breaking hoping the ambulance will get here soon enough. 

Robert talks down into the darkness, doesn’t lift up his head. Their voices echoing, all there is, is silence. “ I need to do this, he is right I need to go. “ some rocks fall off there is silence till you hear them hit the ground or water. 

Aaron slowly walks to Robert but not to close. “ who? Who is right? “ 

‘ Listen to me Robert! Your waste of oxygen the only place you should be is 6 ft under. ‘ 

“ The voice, that is always telling me to die! How I’m such a disappointment and waste of space! He is right I am. “ Robert’s voice is calm yet emotional at the same time. 

Aaron chocks back a sob realising that Robert is hearing voices. “ Robert are you hearing voices? Because he isn’t true, everything he is saying is lies Robert you can’t believe him.“ trying desperately to get Robert to believe him. 

‘ Do it! Die! Jump! ‘ 

Robert blows out a breath as tears fall from his eyes. “ I want them to stop! He won’t go away, I want him to leave me alone! “ Robert is distressed again. 

Aaron is behind Robert not touching him. “ you can get rid of him Rob, but all you have to do is step away okay? Then we can help you. “ 

Robert turns around looking like a lost boy sounding like one.   
“ you promise? I just want him to go. “ tears fall from his eyes. 

Aaron nods his head. “ yes Rob, just step away okay? “ when Robert is about to step away the voice talks again. 

‘ you can’t trust him. He is lying to you Robert! Don’t be so gullible. ‘ 

“ Shut up!! “ but Robert in his slightly tipsy state goes to fall. 

Aaron lunges forward.   
“ Robert!“ he grabs Robert’s arm yanks him back both men fall to the floor Robert turning himself into a ball muttering to himself. “ go away, go away, go away. “ 

Aaron holds his husband tighter whispering nothings into his ear as he silently cries he feels relief when he hears the siren coming. 

Aaron is waiting in the waiting room when Chas and Vic rush in they spot Aaron, Chas hugs Aaron tightly as Vic is crying. 

“ what happened? Where is Robert now? “ Vic sounding scared. 

Aaron takes in a deep breath trying to steady himself from busting into tears. “ Robert’s been hearing voices - “ Chas and Vic’s faces look horrified but Aaron doesn’t have the time to tell them the rest when Robert’s Doctor comes out. 

Aaron runs to the Doctor. “ is Robert okay? What’s wrong with him? “ the Doctor tells them to go to a more private room before speaking. 

“ we have done tests with Mr Sugden and we believe he has Schizophrenia from our talk we did with him, however, we need to do a full assessment tomorrow when he is fully sober.” Vic breaks down, Chas looks shocked as Aaron looks heartbroken. “ He is sleeping at the moment so I think all of you should go home have some rest and come back tomorrow. “ the Doctor leaves the room. Chas and Vic go home but Aaron stays in the hospital because he isn’t leaving his husband. 

Aaron wakes up slowly from his position on the plastic chair and his back is aching, last nights events have come back for him and he feels numb he nearly lost his beautiful husband, he nearly watched his husband die. He spots one of Robert’s nurses going past him and he calls her, she comes back smiles at him because he really stayed outside of his husbands room all night. “ Erm when can I go in to see Robert? “ Still sounding tired. 

“ Not yet, the Doctor is going to do a full assessment so we just need Robert to be alone for while. “ Aaron looks disappointed but he understands, the nurse smiles at him and leaves. 

At 9am Chas and Vic come back to sit with Aaron who is quite anxious pacing backwards and forwards, worrying not listening to his mum when she tells him to sit down. The doctors come out of Robert’s room and tell them to go somewhere private to speak. They go into a family room before Aaron starts to speak sounding scared and urgent.   
“ so does Robert have Schizophrenia then? “ 

The Doctor nods his head.   
“ Yes he does. He will be kept in hospital for a while and if he is improving he can go home. “ 

“ How long will he stay in hospital for? “ Aaron sounding scared 

“ It is different for all patients you see, Robert may stay here for few weeks or months it relays entirely on how Robert copes with his medication and counselling. “ The doctor telling them sounding very professional, firm and serious. 

“ Can I see him? “ Aaron asked. 

The doctor nods his head. “ Yes you can but only one visitor, we don’t want to overwhelm him. “ Aaron followed the doctor out of the room to Robert’s room. 

Aaron walked in suddenly feeling nervous, he saw his husband hugging his knees, dark bags under his eyes, he looked shattered. Aaron felt tears in his eyes ready to fall he wiped them away as he sat on the edge of Robert’s bed. “ How are you? “ 

Robert shrugged still staring at his feet. “ Fine I guess. Feel a bit achey got banging headache. “ 

Aaron nod feeling awkward.   
“ You could of told me you know? About the voices. “ 

Robert looked at him and sighed. “ I knew I could but it was the fear that stopped me. I kept thinking that you would just think I’m mad send me to hospital and I’ll be staying here for ages, but guess what? That’s going to happen anyway isn’t it?” He laughed bitterly. 

“ I wouldn’t think your mad Rob, i would of helped you and would of listened to you about it. But yeh you do need to stay here for while but it’s only because they are helping you. “ Robert nodded he did understand but it was just needing to get used to the idea of staying in hospital whilst having Schizophrenia. 

Aaron started to cry even more when Robert wiped away his tears and hugged him. “ I’m sorry you know? For the drinking and all the stress. “ 

“ I know your sorry but it’s forgotten now isn’t it? You were just trying to cope in the bad way, but you can get help now. “ Aaron breathed in and let out a deep breath before talking.   
“ you really scared me last night when you were standing at the edge of the cliff, talking about how you should die, i never want you to say that again. “ 

Robert nodding as well as he leaned back onto the bed. “ I was scared as well you know? I felt like I was losing my mind. It felt like I was losing my sanity. I couldn’t think straight and I honestly thought doing what I did was the best thing because I just wanted the voice to stop. “ Robert started to silently cry. 

Aaron held Roberts hand and give him a squeeze. “ I know you felt like that but it wouldn’t the safe option would it? I may sound selfish but it would of really hurt me you know? You dying the way you did and I wouldn’t even know why. “ Aaron’s voice breaking at the near end, Robert hugging his husband again before giving him a light kiss on the head. 

“ I’m sorry about that. “ Both men stay hugging each other on the bed just being content, both men worried with what the future holds with Robert and his illness but they both know that they will be together and will never be separated.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided to make more chapters after having a comment about it, i’ve come up with more ideas but the only thing is I don’t want this to be repetitive but I’ll see what i can do. 
> 
> I’ve googled more information about schizophrenics, the more symptoms people can have so, I’ve added more, but then again you don’t know if it is a proper source with real information. 
> 
> Sorry if some things are incorrect, honestly did not mean to offended anyone.

‘ they’re trying to poison you, Robert don’t trust them. ‘ 

Robert laying awake in the hospital bed trying to ignore the talking, he looks over to his husband who is sleeping in the uncomfortable chair next to his bed, he is holding Robert’s hand with his head on the bed fast a sleep. 

‘ You can’t trust them. ‘ 

‘ you need to leave ‘ 

‘ you can’t take the medication Robert, they are going to turn you mad ‘ 

Robert tries to sleep but he is right isn’t he? What if he does take the medication and they keep Robert in hospital forever? What if he can not leave at all and is stuck in hospital? What if other people know what he is thinking? What if they are secretly plotting to do something to him? 

‘ Nobody is helping you Robert ‘ 

‘ nobody can fix someone who is already broken ‘ 

‘ They’re talking behind your back Robert. They’re laughing at you. ‘ 

Robert rolls onto his side tries desperately to fall asleep eventually he does in the early hours in the morning. The last thoughts running through his head are the words from the man who was talking at him. 

Robert wakes up naturally he has a banging headache from the after effects off the drink, he notices he is by himself he wonders where Aaron has gone too. 

‘ he’s left you Robert. I told you he will leave you eventually ‘ 

‘ don’t you ever listen? ‘ 

‘ then again you are waste of space aren’t ya? ‘ 

“ Shut up! “ Robert screams from his bed at the wall opposite him the exact moment Aaron walks in, he looks shocked then sad and then nervous. 

Aaron carries on walking in with coffee in hand as he sits on the edge of the bed, he doesn’t know what to do with his hands if he should hold Robert’s hand, comfort him, his body language looks tense. He speaks nervously. “ Are you okay? “ 

Robert laughs, a nasty laugh as he looks at Aaron hard in the face. “ I’m I okay? I’m I okay! Well considering I’m in hospital hearing voices and have to take medication and stay in hospital for ages I don’t think “ I’m okay” do you think I’m okay Aaron?! “ Robert’s face is red, the heart monitor beeping loudly and going off the charts, his fists are clenched tight as he looks at Aaron with rage. “ You’re doing this in purpose aren’t you? “ Aaron looks confused. “ Your going - going - g-going to kill me aren’t you? Your plotting against me? All this time you’ve been plotting against me to get me mad so you can get rid of me haven’t you? “ Robert rips off his wires as they are attached to him and he gets out of the bed in a rush backs himself into the corner of the room looking petrified. Whilst Aaron looks distraught, he looks so hurt that his husband is saying these outrageous things to him but he knows that Robert doesn’t really mean them, he is just confused. 

Aaron comes closer to Robert but he backs farther away from him. “ No Rob of course I’m not. I’m not doing anything okay? I’m just here to help you. “ 

‘ he is lying, don’t trust him. He’s been lying to you for months. Don’t be so stupid. ‘ 

Robert can see the man talking to Robert, he looks terrified he starts throwing things at him but they only hit the wall. “ No! No! No! Leave me alone! Go away! Aaron why are you doing this? Your making me mad aren’t you? Your doing this on purpose. “ Robert’s crying as he is fully against the wall now not letting Aaron get near him. 

Aaron is crying now his voice is broken sounding terrible. “ no rob I’m not doing anything, there isn’t anything in here, it’s just us two okay? “ 

Robert shakes his head. “ no your lying his right there standing behind you! “ Robert talks slowly but fast at the same time as he starts to pace in a circle muttering to himself. The doctor and nurses come in hearing the shouting but as they come in they see Robert walking in a small circle, he isn’t calming down Robert spots them. 

“ You’ve been plotting against me haven’t you? All of you have been planning to kill me haven’t you? Your all going to hurt me. “ 

‘ They’re coming for you ‘ 

‘ you need to run ‘ 

Robert looks at the man by the wall before looking at the doctor speaking gently. “ no we’re not Robert. We just need you to calm down for us okay? We are not going to harm you in anyway. “ 

‘ he is lying ‘ 

“ no! Your all lying. “ 

‘ that’s right Robert. You need to listen to me you need to trust me. ‘ 

The doctor notices Robert looking at the wall and he realises that Robert is listening to the person who is in his head. “ Robert are you seeing anyone else in this room who isn’t here?” 

‘ I am here Robert, you can see me aren’t you? ‘ 

Robert nods his head. “ he’s there. “ pointing to the empty wall. “ he is standing there! I can see him, he is standing there, I can hear him. “ Robert’s voice breaks. 

The doctor gives him a pity expression. “ he isn’t Robert you can’t listen to him. “ 

‘ I’m real Robert. ‘ 

The man walks over to Robert. 

“ No! No! Don’t touch me please don’t me! No,no,no. “ the man is in front of Robert and he touches his arm. Robert freaks out throwing items nearest to him, throwing things at the man but they just go hitting the floor, Aaron is at the other side of the room with the doctor and nurses as they watch Robert freak out, shouting at nothing. 

“ why can’t you leave me alone!? Please leave me alone! “ Robert cries falling to the wall.   
Aaron walks to Robert. 

“ no! No, don’t touch me, please don’t! “ Robert flinches as Aaron is near him, he starts crying. 

Aaron bends down. “ Rob it’s me Aaron, I’m not going to hurt you okay? I’m trying to help you, please let us help you. “ Robert looks relieved as he realises who is in front of him, he lunges forward and hugs Aaron tightly till Aaron gently guides Robert to his bed.   
The nurses make Robert comfortable again and they start to tidy up the things off the floor, the doctor gives Aaron a small smile because Aaron brought Robert back to reality even if it is for a while. 

Aaron tells Chas and Vic about Robert and they look heartbroken, The doctor tells them that Robert had a hallucination where Robert could see and hear the person, but now Robert is settled they have given him medication however, it will work in 4 - 6 weeks but Robert needs to carry on taking his medication as well as therapy to see if there is any improvements. 

Aaron walks back into Robert’s room and he is laying on his bed staring at the wall, face blank, no expression, he doesn’t even look like he is in the room. Aaron takes the seat next to his husbands bed and takes his hand but when he does Robert makes no reaction, he looks like he hasn’t even noticed him walking in. 

“Rob? What’s the matter? Why aren’t you responding to things?” Replies a confused and worried Aaron. 

‘ ignore him ‘ 

‘ don’t listen to him ‘ 

Robert carries on staring at the wall just blinking, when you look in his eyes they look dead, like someone switched the light off and no ones home. 

‘ your pathetic you know, your mad that’s why your in hospital ‘ 

“ Robert speak to me! What’s the matter? “ Aaron rushes out of his room and finds one of the nurses at the desk. “ There’s something wrong with Robert he isn’t responding to anything I say or do, he’s just staring at the wall in bed. “ 

The nurse guides Aaron away from the other people and speaks in a quite tone. “ Robert is suffering from one of the schizophrenia symptoms, thought and movement disorder where he can completely stops talking or moving. “ 

Aaron has tears running down his face as he wipes them away. “ Can’t you do something to get him to respond again? You have to help him, you can’t just dose him up with medication and hope for the best you know. You need to get him talking about what he is going through. “ sounding angry and fed up. 

The nurse looks offended. “ we are helping Mr Sugden, we are booking him with a therapist next week we cannot have a earlier one. “ 

“ How long will he be like this for? “ The nurse tells Aaron that they don’t know for sure it may be days, or weeks, Aaron goes back into Robert’s room because he doesn’t want to listen to the nurse anymore, yes it may sound rude but they should have Robert start therapy right away because it is urgent, all Aaron wants is his husband back. 

‘ oh he is making an entrance again, don’t you ever get bored of him? ‘ 

“ Your not speaking then? It isn’t going to help you or anyone else Rob. Please can you just come back to me? “ the only reaction Aaron got was the blinking of the eye and slight movement of the leg, Aaron sighs and he carries on talking about what’s been happening in the village.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Googled about ECT it says it can be used for schizophrenia but it can be rare for it Doctors to use it. Again the websites aren’t always truthful and they may lie/make things worse than they originally are. 
> 
> Again sorry if I get medical information wrong.

It had been a week since Robert was not reacting to anything but only yesterday he was moving around not really talking but when he did there was no life in his voice, it was just emotionless it broke Aaron’s heart because before Robert had his mental illness he was always happy and talking, full of life , making jokes but now he has reduced to a quite person who doesn’t have the ability to do normal day to day tasks.

Robert was still taking his pills but he started to have the side effects with not eating because he didn’t have any appetite, vomiting and insomnia he would stay up all night not moving, not having the energy to move, all he could hear were the talking of the man saying all different kinds of things and Robert wanted to block them out but he didn’t know how to, he just wanted everything to stop. 

He was with his therapist, who he has twice a week on Mondays and Wednesdays, she was nice took her time with Robert didn’t rush him into talking, he felt comfortable with her, he felt a ease and he liked her. 

Lorna, the therapist, asked very gently to him, with her calming voice, “ how do you feel when this man speaks to you? “ 

Robert just looked at her blankly he was finding the words to express how he was feeling and Lorna didn’t rush him or didn’t ask another question. “ I-I don’t like it. “ 

Lorna nodded her head. “ Why don’t you like it? “ 

Robert looked like he was shrugging to find the words again, how does he put how he feels into words and expect someone else to understand what he is going through when they never had this? “ it makes me feel like I’m going mad. “ 

“ In what way does it feel like your going mad? “ 

“ I can never shut him up. It only helped when I took loads of alcohol sometimes with sleeping pills and he would go away. “ 

“ You find unhealthy ways of shutting the man out, but you didn’t answer the question though, how does he make you feel like your going mad? “ 

Robert huffed. “ I can never think properly it feels like I’m losing my mind and he’s taking over me. He tells me things and it makes me feel worse than I already am. “ 

“ what does he tell you? “ 

Robert sighs. “ he tells me how pathetic and worthless I am, how people are going to poison me or plotting against me, or they are going to harm me in some way. “ 

“ do you believe him when he tells you these things? “ 

Robert nods tears dripping down his face. “ when he always says it over again and repeating them for days on end, he practically drills it into your head to the point where you think about what he is saying and you consider if he is telling the truth. “ 

“ do you have moments where you don’t believe him? “ 

“ I do sometimes. Sometimes I yell at him to shut up or go away because I get so frustrated with him being here. And he won’t go away, I-i sometimes I think they’re not plotting against me but then I do think they are. “ Robert starts to cry again. 

Lorna passes Robert some tissues. “ your feelings and thoughts are all mixed together and you don’t know who to believe? “ Robert nods his head. “ You feel like you are stuck on a wheel going around in circles not knowing what to do, not knowing who to believe? Is that how you feel Robert? “ another nod. “ What I want you to do is try to tell the man how he is wrong or make yourself believe that he is wrong, try not to believe him. “ Lorna gives Robert a small smile, as she finishes the session she says her goodbyes leaves Robert sitting on his bed. 

‘ you shouldn’t of told her that you know? ‘ 

Robert asks the man standing by the window. But Robert doesn’t notice Aaron and a doctor watching him from the window. “ why? “ 

‘ because she is going to think your mad isn’t she? She’s going to tell all the doctors that your mad and you won’t leave here. ‘ the man gestures a loopy sign regarding to Robert. 

Don’t believe him. Don’t believe him. Robert keeps thinking to himself. “ No your wrong they’re trying to help me, they don’t think I’m mad. “ 

The man laughs. ‘ your so wrong, they are telling you that they help you when they won’t. ‘ 

Robert suddenly stands up but because of the side effects to his medication he feels dizzy and falls to the floor. 

‘ your so pathetic. ‘ 

Aaron rushes in helping Robert up from the floor he sits Robert on the bed as he sits next to him and makes gentle circles on Robert’s back. “ Hey? You okay? “ Robert nods his head. 

The doctor walks farther to the two men. “ how was the therapy session Robert? “ 

“ it was alright I told her stuff and she was okay, she said that I shouldn’t believe what he says and I should think about how wrong he is. “ the doctor nods his head. 

“ when Lorna left when me and Aaron were about to walk in we saw you through the window talking to the window, did you see the man then? “ 

Robert looks shocked and surprised. “ yeh I did. He was saying how all you lot think I’m mad and how pathetic I am, how I shouldn’t trust you. “ 

“The doctor nods his head understanding what Robert is saying. “ did you believe what he said?” 

“ no I said he was wrong and they are trying to help me but he just laughed. “ Robert speaks barley a whisper as he lays down on the bed exhausted from talking, and just feeling numb, the doctor leaves them. 

Aaron sits on the bed stroking Robert’s arm. “ I’m proud of you, you know? Talking to Lorna. “ 

Robert gives Aaron a small smile as he holds Aaron’s hand. “ I know you are thanks for not giving up on me when I was drinking and not giving up for me now. “ 

Aaron holds Robert’s face as he strokes his cheek. “ I’ll never give up on you, your my husband. Those weeks were painful to watch you drink till you passed out and you didn’t let me in but now we know what’s wrong and we can help you. Just don’t think I’ll leave okay? Because I’ll never leave you, I couldn’t I love you too much. “ he leans in to kiss Robert on the forehead as he falls asleep holding his husband, part of him thinking maybe he will be okay again, not totally but more okay than he is now. 

The next few weeks Robert’s medication hasn’t been working his hallucinations have stayed, they have gotten worse, Robert now hears more than one voice it sounds like they are all arguing but he doesn’t understand the words being said, but the words he does hear all blend into one. 

But one day Robert goes much more worse because his pills and therapy have not been working at all. 

‘ you need to lock yourself in Robert. ‘ 

‘ They are going to kill you today. ‘ 

‘ you cannot trust them. ‘ 

Robert gets the furniture putting them all against the door, Aaron, Doctors and nurses are trying to get in, pushing the door but they can’t get in. Aaron shouts crying at his husband who is having some sort of episode. “ Robert let us in! We’re not going to hurt you okay? We need to see if your not hurt. “ 

Robert shakes his head frantically. “ No! no! Your all lying all of you. your going to kill me, I know your lying. I need to be safe, I can’t let any of you in.” Robert shouting, repeating the words over and over again as he pushes everything against the door. 

The doctor speaks worriedly and firmly to one of the nurses. “ we need to get security to get them to push the door open. Robert is at risk for himself. “ as the nurses goes to get more help she turns to Aaron who is crying still. “ Aaron we need you to speak to Robert calm him down for us, He may be at risk, he may harm himself if we don’t get in there fast. “ 

Aaron nods nervously as he looks through the window seeing his husband pace muttering to himself and shouting at things that aren’t there. “ Rob, it’s me Aaron, you know I wouldn’t hurt you. “ 

‘ he’s lying ‘ male voice 

Robert turns to male who’s standing by the window. “ shut up! “ 

‘ it’s true all of them are lying to you and you can’t trust them. If you do they have a better chance at hurting you. ‘ female voice. 

Robert grabs a book throws it at the woman. “ shut up, shut up shut up! “ he carries on pacing around in a circle. 

“ Rob you just need to calm down for us okay? “ 

‘ you can’t let them in ‘ 

‘ you can’t let them in Robert ‘ 

So many voices going on at once that Robert falls back against the wall and hysterically cries into his knees, he feels so frightened, scared, confused, he doesn’t know which voices are real or not. Suddenly the furniture starts to move and Robert feels himself panicking as he stands up. 

‘ they are coming for you ‘ 

‘ they are going to kill you now ‘ 

‘ you can not escape ‘ 

“ Robert just calm down, we are only coming in to see your not hurt. “ 

Two security guides are in the room as Aaron, Doctors and nurses burst in. “ no leave me alone! You can’t hurt me! I haven’t done anything! Please don’t hurt me! “ 

‘ of course they are going to hurt you ‘ 

‘ god your so stupid aren’t ya ‘ 

“ we’re not Robert. “ 

‘ Lying ‘ 

Robert throws a chair to the man as everyone moves out of the way fast. “ LEAVE ME ALONE. “ 

Aaron comes closer trying to calm his husband. “ Rob it’s Aaron, we just need you to calm down for us okay? It’s only us here. “ 

Robert turns to his husband and he has tears running down his face. “ no! Your going to hurt me, your all lying, your plotting against me to make me mad. “ 

Aaron takes a risk touches Robert’s shoulder. “ no! We’re not we just need you to calm down, we are here to help you. The voices are lying, they are the ones that are making you feel like this okay? “ Robert bursts into tears as Aaron holds his husband tighter doesn’t let him go when he try’s to get away. 

Later on in the day Robert is moved to another room where he will be watched for 24hrs, he has his medication changed because it looks like it wasn’t working after the 3rd week. 

The doctor asks Aaron to go to his office to talk to him about Robert with what else take may have to do. “ As Robert wasn’t responding to his first lot of medication we have given him new medication, however, if this lot doesn’t work, we were avoiding to do this, but if this medication does not work we may have to do a ECT. “ the Doctor finishes speaking but she looks hesitant or nervous. 

“ what does that do? What is it?” Replies confused Aaron. 

“ it is where Robert would be put under general anaesthetic also a drug that relaxes his muscles and we will put electrodes on his scalp which will give him a brief seizure in the brain. “ Aaron looks horrified. “ it is used for depression or bipolar disorders more but we can use it for schizophrenia but it can be a bit rare. Robert would have this treatment 2 or 3 times a week for 2 to 4 weeks. He’ll also have psychotherapy and whist taking his medication at the same time. “ 

Aaron looks gob snacked. “ Err wow, how could he have a seizure if you give him a drug that relaxes his muscles? “ 

“ well his hands and feet will move a bit, but rest of his body wouldn’t move. “ 

“ is there any side effects if he has it? “ 

“ yes he will have short term memory loss for 3 or 4 weeks but it will eventually go after treatment. “ 

“ I’m not sure I want Robert to have this. It seems dangerous. “ 

The doctor gives him a smile.   
“ Yes it seems like it is very dangerous but it is very effective treatment. As I said earlier we may not have to use it, if Robert medication works. But I’m only saying it as a idea you won’t have any worries about this but if he does need this we will talk to you. “ 

Aaron nods his head obviously shocked with the new information he has been given, he doesn’t want Robert to go through having the ECT because it seems very dangerous but it can help Robert more, on the other hand, it would make Robert lose his short term memory. Aaron has mixed emotions but he doesn’t worry over it because Robert has new medication and he just prays that this set work.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Ty to those who have commented, liked and read this. :) 
> 
> I might of got the date wrong about staying in the hospital, sorry about that. Probs got other things wrong. :/

The next morning Robert was laying a ball holding his stomach as he had a bucket on the floor next to his bed. He looked pale and in pain, he been like this all night with Aaron holding him, giving him comfort when he needed it. 

He was the same this morning with Aaron holding him with Robert’s head on his lap, hugging a pillow. “ do you feel better? “ Aaron softly asked his husband whilst playing with the blondes hair.

“ it comes and goes normally when I move. “ he had another wave of nausea as he groaned holding the pillow tighter. 

‘ Pathetic ‘ 

He looked over to the window and breathed in deeply trying to calm himself down as best as he can. 

Aaron stroking Robert’s arm, he was deep in thought thinking about what the doctor told him about taking Robert out. Letting Robert have some fresh air and do some exercise because he can’t stay in his room all day. Aaron didn’t know why but he felt nervous about asking Robert because what if he freaks out again about hearing the voices and runs away? Aaron immediately felt guilty because Robert is a grown man and should make his own decisions just because he has this mental illness doesn’t mean he is incapable of doing normal day to day things. 

“ Rob, do you want to go out of here? Have walk around? “ 

“ where would we go? “ 

Aaron shrugged his shoulders. “ dunno. Anywhere you want. “ 

“ the pub. “ Robert smiled but because he was facing away from Aaron he didn’t see he was joking. 

“ Robert the doctors said you need to stop having alcohol because you caused some damage with the amount you drank. “ sounding concerned but serious. 

Robert looked up at Aaron and played with Aaron’s beard. “ I know what the doctors said. I was only joking. “ Aaron felt embarrassed as his cheeks went pink and Robert laughed looking at his shy husband. 

“ you’re so cute when your embarrassed you know? “ 

Aaron tried to turn away but Robert didn’t let him he got up and sat in his husbands lap and kissed him repeatedly. “ you are! You’re so beautiful and kind and just amazing. “ his face fell as his voice turned sad. “ I don’t know why you bother with me sometimes. All I do is cause you grief these past few months with me drinking, getting this illness and just causing you loads of stress and hassle I’m surprised your still here. Because you deserve someone who is perfectly healthy and kind, not a mess like me. “ he tried to get off Aaron but he held him tighter as he pushes their chests together and kissed his neck before pulling back.   
“ Messed up forever right? I love you and I don’t care about your faults because who is perfect? I only want you, you’re it for me. Nobody can change my mind okay? I love you, only you and never think differently okay? “ Aaron spoke passionately with tinge of sadness in his voice as he had few tears in his eyes. Robert wiped them away and leaned him to kiss him more, Aaron pulled away slightly smiling as his lips were only inches apart. “ only you could get me a hard on with a bit of kissing. “ both men burst out laughing as they hugged each other just wanting to feel comfort. 

“ what about if we do that walk now then? “ Aaron nodded as they got up and put their shoes on also coats. They were walking down the corridor looking at everyone going past them in a rush and some people going slow, Aaron decided they should go to the canteen because they do amazing butter and bread pudding Robert’s favourite, his face literally lit up and made Aaron laugh just seeing the delight in his husbands face. They sat down at a table furthest away from everyone and dug into their puddings, before going back to the ward where Robert has to be because the nurse gave them a time. Which kinda annoyed Aaron because he just wanted to spend some time with his husband without doctors and nurses always coming in and out but he knew he couldn’t say anything because he didn’t want any arguments. 

“ hello, how was your little trip then? “ one of the nurses caught them going through the main door to the ward. 

Robert smiled at her being polite. “ it was nice, went to the canteen had some butter and bread pudding. Nice to get out of the room for once. “ he did a small laugh. 

She smiled at him. “ ahh yes they do, do good pudding in there. But the coffees don’t get me started and it’s not in the good way. “ she rolled her eyes as her facial expression turned from cheerful to grumpy. 

Aaron spoke up joining in the conversation. “ I tried the coffees and they are horrible it’s like drinking dirty water. “ he grimaced remembering the memory one swig and it went straight to the bin. Waste of £1.40 he’ll never get back. 

She got called over from the other nurses and she said her goodbyes to the two men. They carried on walking to Robert’s room and sat on the bed together relaxing for few minutes. 

Robert spoke breaking the silence between them. “ it was nice going out together, even if it was to the canteen, we laughed and chatted like before.” 

Aaron smiled as he turned to his husband and kissed his knuckles. “ it was wasn’t it? We had 20 minuets to forget the stress or just everything. We had some us time. “ Robert nodded his head. “ that butter and bread pudding was amazing though but not as nice as yours. “ Aaron spoke softly. 

He laughed. “ nothing is better than my cooking. “ 

“ always rude sod you are. Ruining the moment again. “ both laughed enjoying the moment between them. 

“ I want to go home now. “ Robert said sounding sad. 

“ me too. Liv and Seb are missing ya, he always speaking about ya and Liv is just worried you know? She just wants her other brother back to annoy her and help with her homework. “ 

“ I always end up doing the work anyway! I do miss her, I even miss her grumpy mood swings and making a racket in the morning. “ replied Robert with a smile on his face. 

Aaron hummed in agreement. “ even when you try to get a lie in? “ 

“ even when I try to get a lie in. “ he speaks softly and grins, he leans in for a kiss on his husbands lips when they part they hug each other enjoy the peaceful silence. 

><><><><><><>

Robert stays in the hospital for 3 weeks because of his medication to see if he reacts well and he has which makes everybody happy. Robert can finally pack all his belongings from his room, in the hospital, go back home. Aaron was so excited to have his husband back that he practically jumped up and down, he went home to sort everything out and clean everything because he needed things to look perfect. Robert was happy but terrified because the village would know everything that has been happening, he doesn’t want pity look and people pestering over him, he just wants things to be normal. But he knows that they probably won’t ever be normal because he is stuck on medication for life, people will always worry about him, he is grateful for the support but it’ll still annoy the living day out of him. 

Aaron comes back from home and hugs Robert before looking unsure and self conscious. “ Are you sure you want to go home? Do you even want to go home?” 

Robert pulls his husband in for a kiss before pulling away slightly. “ of course I want to go home you idiot. I can’t wait to see everyone, I am a bit nervous about the village gossip and people worrying about me but I’ll just have to get used to it won’t I? “ 

“ we only care about you. “ Aaron replies gently looking at Robert in the eye. 

Robert gives Aaron a light kiss on the cheek. “ I know. Right enough of talking I want to go home now. “ both laugh because they are so happy and just overwhelmed that finally Robert is coming home. It felt a piece missing for ages without him because he would always cook tea, help with homework, basically do everything and help everyone and now he is coming come. 

“ Daddy!! “ Seb comes running towards Robert, giving him a tight hug as he lifts him up and gives him a big hug gently swaying. 

“ you alright bud? I’ve missed you so so much I have. I promise I won’t ever leave you again. “ 

Seb speaks very quietly and looks sad. “ you sure daddy? I don’t want you to go to hospital again. “ 

Robert has tears in his eyes. Feeling his chest ache from the guilt. “ I’m better now bud and I promise I’ll try not to get ill again. “ he hugs Robert tighter before excitedly telling Robert about all the things that have been happening whilst Robert was away. 

Seb has calmed down and playing with his toys and watching cartoons as Liv comes in. When she spots Robert in the kitchen she flies towards him and gives him a big hug. “ Rob! When did you get back?” 

“ only been here for an hour. You missed me then? “ 

“ yeh I did. But if you tell anyone I said that I will deny it. “ she jokes back but she really missed their banter, snide remarks and just their conversations. She goes to her bedroom to listen to music after the hype is over. 

Aaron hugs Robert as he is against the counter and Aaron leans against him. He kisses him and moans a bit when he kisses Robert’s neck. “ i missed you. “ Aaron speaks quietly. 

“ I think someone else missed me too. “ Robert slides his hands in Aaron’s trousers whilst smiling. 

“ I really want you. “ he carries on kissing Robert. 

“ I want you too but Seb is over there. We’ll do it after okay? “ Aaron pulls away a bit disappointed but agrees as he gives Robert one last kiss. 

“ I have missed you though, you being here it feels like a home again. Like a puzzle and you’re the final piece. “ 

“ that’s so cheesy. “ Robert laughs as Aaron turns shy and blushes. “ but I get what you mean. I’m just happy I’m back.“ both kiss deeply before Seb calls them to make tea and they start to do the normal routine like before. 

Robert goes to see Vic, Diane and Chas they are all happy to see him a lot more healthier and better. Vic gets a bit emotional about her finding Rob in the house freaking out but she knows it’s not his fault. She’s just happy that she has her big brother back, they have a big, tight hug before pulling away and laughing because they were so in grossed in their little bubble they didn’t realise that Aaron, Diane and Chas watching them with soppy faces on. Chas and Diane gave Robert a big hug being pleased that the stay at the hospital and his medication is working, they, and everyone else, hope that it’ll stay like that now. 

1 year later 

Robert’s medication is still working, he has had no relapses yet and he is pleased, Aaron especially because the first few weeks he would always stay with Rob to see if he was okay. But eventually he would leave him be and go back to work, Robert is living a normal life gone back to work and he feels so much better than he did a year ago. He just hopes that this will stay like this for forever and won’t have any more relapses because they were terrifying.


End file.
